i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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