so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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