Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
