Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
