im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us