im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
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it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.