I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.