Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Dude, just got a bummer.
A blow job from a homeless chick.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.