here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
It was confusing and full of hummus
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
