Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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