Please, let me fuck your mom
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
