Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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