That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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