Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
this will be a night to untag.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
