You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
