Cold hands, warm shart.
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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