I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
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Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
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I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
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