woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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