Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
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