saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize