I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
