I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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