My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
