How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
