I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
