I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
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