girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
