well I can't set my house on fire every night
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
