Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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