you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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