Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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