I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Randomize
