mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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