I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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