There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
