he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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