Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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