At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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