Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
