If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
