who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
