I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
