No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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