Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
