well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
