Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
