She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
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in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
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These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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