she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
