take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
