You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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