I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
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His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
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Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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