is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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