Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
