1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
