i just wanna soil my oats bro
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
