puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
