And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
