dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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