I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
