im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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