Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
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just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
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Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?