Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING