just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
