Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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