my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
