11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
