wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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