dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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