last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
