What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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