I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
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