I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
