I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
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