new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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