ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
