one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
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I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
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I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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