I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
