I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
